


got a bad desire

by norgaard



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: First Time, Loss of Virginity, M/M, ish?, lol we gettin IN it now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 06:15:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17441489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/norgaard/pseuds/norgaard
Summary: a reckoning between stupidly expensive silk sheets.





	got a bad desire

**Author's Note:**

> title from bruce springsteen's "i'm on fire"

“Fuck.”

The curse is pitched lower than Adam usually speaks, and part of his mind registers the oddity that he’s managed to draw it out so clearly, enunciating every single letter. It doesn’t even sound like him.  

The other, much larger part of his mind has gone completely blank, hovering about three feet above his body with the rest of his consciousness as he arches off the bed and comes in Ronan’s mouth.

And then all of him is thinking, _holy shit holy shit I just had sex with Ronan Lynch. Holy shit._

They’ve gotten close before, the two of them.  They’ve pressed lips to ribs and skated hands over denim.  But this isn’t exactly what Adam had in mind after coming back, exhausted, from a late shift at the garage.  He’d returned to the Barns and to Ronan’s bed and curled around him and stuck his nose between his shoulder blades without intention.  But then Ronan had turned to brush a kiss to his cheek and then his lips and then his jaw and Adam had looked into his wanting eyes and hungered.

Adam exhales and sinks into the mattress.  He opens his eyes to see Ronan kneeling tall over him, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.  Something in Adam’s chest squeezes.

“That’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen,” he tells Ronan, voice thick, hands coming up to frame him like he’s taking a picture.

Ronan goes faintly red.  “You’re the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Ronan had straddled him, earlier, as Adam leaned against the headboard and worked him with one hand until he pressed the tip of a finger inside Ronan and made him keen and come, God, everywhere.  Now he leans over to grab his long-discarded boxers to wipe his own mess off Adam’s body. Adam squirms.

Ronan throws the boxers on the floor and lays fully on top of Adam, head resting on his stomach.  His arms skate up and down Adam’s sides, before he moves to take one of Adam’s hands and brings it to his lips.  Ronan looks up through his lashes, eyes hooded. He wraps his lips around the pad of Adam’s finger.

“Holy shit,” Adam says, out loud this time.

Ronan sucks a little harder.

“Wait, wait.”  Adam pulls his hand free, instead rubbing it over Ronan’s freshly buzzed head. “Give me a minute, man.”

Ronan exhales a laugh and burrows his face into Adam’s ribs instead.

They lay there for several moments, their legs tangled together, still touching everywhere.  Adam is hyperaware of the sweat cooling on his skin and lets his nails scratch over curve of Ronan’s skull to counter the sensation.

He feels exposed.  He wills himself to let the weight of Ronan anchor him.

“We’re not virgins anymore,” he tells the top of Ronan’s head.

Ronan snorts into Adam’s navel.

“Yeah, no shit, Parrish --” he tilts his head up to look into Adam’s face -- “unless you’re not totally convinced, in which case, I’ve got some other ideas in mind.”

“Ha.”

Ronan hauls himself up and off to the side.  He settles next to Adam, who, feeling the loss of contact, reaches for Ronan’s hand.  He plays with his fingers. Thinking, looking for the words. Evaluating if he wants to say them to Ronan.

“It’s just a lot,” Adam settles on.   _Dirty_ , he thinks but doesn’t say, _like an animal_.  Virginity is a social construct -- this he knows -- but.  He can’t help but feel guilty, somehow, but also thrilled and savage, like he’s done something illicit -- even though he loves Ronan, he knows he does, and he just wants to make him feel good, all the time.

He finds himself unable to convey the contradiction of what he’s trying to get at.  

Ronan just waits.  He knows he’ll get there.

Adam’s eyes drift downward.  “I didn’t think I had that in me.”  

Ronan puts his fingers under Adam’s chin, lifts his head a little on the pillow to meet his gaze. “You’re still you, though.”  He says this with absolute certainty, the same way he’d say the sky is blue or I love you.

“Yeah.”  Adam’s mind drifts, then, and thinks about all the things that make him up.  He thinks about Gansey’s fist bumps and Blue rolling her eyes.  His name on the honor roll and the personal essays sitting on Ronan’s laptop, needing one more edit before he can send them out with his college applications.  The weightlessness of scrying.  His favorite pair of high-tops, Ronan’s electronic music, that time Maura made him banana bread for no reason at all.  All the parts of him, still present and known, but some of them still waiting, maybe, to be discovered.

Like now, the curious feeling of his naked body against Ronan’s stupidly expensive silk sheets.  The sound Ronan makes just before coming, that half a _yes_ and a breathy whine.  That’s part of him too, now.

Ronan’s thumb rubs along his knuckles.  He is okay.  He’s allowed to have this.

Adam feels a rush of gratefulness to Ronan just then.  He scoots closer and wraps his arm around him, nestles close.

“Yeah,” he says, again, from where his face is pressed against the base of Ronan’s neck.  “Thank you.”

“What, for sucking your dick?”

“Nah, for letting me finger you.”  Adam throws a leg over Ronan’s and rolls his hips, once, because he can.  “We should try that again. Properly.”

Ronan sucks in an inhale.  “Christ.”  His voice is shaky, awed.  “Who’s horny now, you fiend?”

Adam kisses him to shut him up.  Some things never change.

**Author's Note:**

> adam and ronan: fuck  
> adam: [extremely vine voice] is that allowed???
> 
> anyway. i’m literally on deadline why did i write this i really said fuck my editor huh
> 
> @sansasummers on tumblr if you’re so inclined


End file.
